So we just went through airport security (kudos to the Columbus airport for having 100% free WiFi).

I expected that they would take our water bottles (the exact same thing you can buy 10 feet later for 20% more).

I didn’t, but should have, realized that they would take Ethan’s juice box. That’s right, the US Government is keeping you safe…. from juice.

But the real clincher to me, the thing that makes me realize that yes, Thank God^H^H^HI mean George W Bush, we are finally safe because we have “random” passenger screening for extra security checks.

We wouldn’t want to profile anyone, of course, because there has never been any proof whatsoever that one group of people has been more involved in trying to plan terrorist attacks on the country (remember Timothy McVeigh was as “all American” as anyone), so the best thing to do is rely on a computer to generate random passengers to be screened.

And do you know how good the government’s “random” generator is?

Well when we flew to San Diego in April, Ethan was randomly selected one the way, and on the way back. Wow, weird coincidence, right?

And today he was randomly screened again.

Conclusion? Either Ethan has just done the equivalent of getting struck by lightning while holding a winning lottery ticket, or the random generator that the government is using is complete and utter crap.

So feel safer now as you bask under the warm glow of everything that the government has learned in the 5 years since September 11th. Which is to say: how to make a bunch of completely useless safeguards that make no one safer, while stealing a 4 year old’s juicebox and randomly screening him 3 out of 3 times.

Complete and utter morons.

You know, now that the government has successfully undertaken the important task of “Under God” out of the pledge of allegiance, maybe they ought to work on removing the words “land of the free” from the Star Spangled Banner.

I fully expect to now be whisked off to Syria for interrogation under torture for questioning the divine wisdom of the government. Or maybe added to the “No Fly” list.